"Maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because its the only person who will recieve all from you. After that, you learn better. But, most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved - a piece no future lover could ever get, no matter what. That piece holds innocence, the belief that love really can last forever. It holds friendship and pain, trial and error, that one kiss you’ll never forget, and that night under the stars you can never get back. It holds youth and everything you thought love would be, everything that was proven wrong.

Some of my friends think I'm crazy, think its insane to want to marry the first person you fall in love with, "why limit yourself? Don't you want other experiences?".

My argument, if i have another relationship, doesn't it mean i'll have to go through heartbreak? and WHY would i want that? *rolls eyes*

To me i believe that perhaps the first person you fall in love is the one which you give the most of yourself to, trying your best to make it work, so afraid to see it fail. And i do believe that after multiple relationships, you start to lose sight, lose faith and lose that determination and ultimately it will never be that hundred percent which you first started out with. You lose part of yourself and give part of yourself away.

Then again sometimes the words of my friends come back to me and i ask myself, what makes you think that this is the right guy for you? What if theres someone better out there?

And ultimately i get the same answer:

Everything happens for a reason.

J's a great boyfriend. He takes care of me, he never gets angry with me, he makes me laugh, he makes me cry, he makes me think, he makes me study, he builds my self confidence, he coaches me, encourages me and most importantly i believe he loves me and i love him.

Thinking again, there are better girls out there, more compatible for J as well, but he's chosen to stick with me, to make things work and theres no way i'm gonna let him work alone. Perhaps he's lost parts of his heart/emotions to his other girlfriends, but i do want to treasure whatever thats left of it, i'll take whatever he can give and give my 100%. Praying, hoping and believing that it's the last time we will give and lose any part of ourselves to anyone.

J's my first love, and i hope he'll be my last.

♥ 10:16 PM